Politically-Correct Avengers Casting

Maybe I should have titled this “Incredibly ‘Diverse’ Avengers Casting”?

A few weeks ago, I was doing some fan-casting brainstorming, and I started getting some weird ideas. There’s all this talk about comics and their big-screen adaptations needing more “diversity”. This usually means changing characters that have been historically white (or Anglo/Euro) to something non-white. For example, Heimdall, Electro, and The Shocker have, afaik, always been white guys in Marvel’s comics, but they are played by black actors in the movies. And, of course, there was the controversy about whether or not Iron Fist / Danny Rand should have been switched from white to Asian (or mixed) for the Netflix series. (I’m glad they didn’t go that way.)

On the other hand, there is a history of Hollywood “whitewashing” Asian characters — either making the characters white or just having them played by white actors (often with truly terrible stereotyping) –, with the most recent hubbub being over Scarlett Johansson playing the central character in the live-action version of the Japanese manga, Ghost in the Shell.

I was wondering, then, what if some Hollywood nut decided to make a “politically correct” Avengers movie with a cast that was not only “diverse” but, shall we say, represented some out-of-the-box, “avant garde” thinking? So, I decided to have some fun with it and came up with a few ideas. I wish I had Photoshop skills to make some suitable images, but you’ll have to use your imagination to picture them in the appropriate costumes (or armor, as the case may be).

Note: I realize I risk triggering a lot of people with this, but please do NOT get offended by it. It is not meant to insult or make fun of anyone but to show the incongruity of the casting, and, of course, to poke playfully at the PC push for increased (and often unnecessary, imho) “diversity”.

Jorge Garcia (5’11.5″,b.1973) — very overweight, baby-faced Latino — as Captain America

Jorge Garcia

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rosie O’Donnell (5’6.5″,b.1962) — chubby, 50-something lesbian — as Iron Person

Rosie O’Donnell

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kevin Hart (5’4″,b.1979) — short & black (but, at least he works out!) as Thor

Kevin Hart

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jeffrey Tambor (6’1″,b.1944) — 70-something, transgender (well, the character he played in “Transparent” was, anyway) — as Dr. Bruce ‘Caitlin’ Banner / Hulk

Jeffrey Tambor in “Transparent”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Peter Dinklage (4’5″,b.1969) — very short; not sure if he’d have the upper-body strength to be a formidable archer — as Hawkeye

Peter Dinklage

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Janet Jackson (5’3.5″,b.1966) — 50, black and Muslim — as the ‘Widow of Color’

Janet Jackson

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

RuPaul (6’4″,b.1960) — 50-something, gay, drag queen — as the FABulous Falcon

RuPaul

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Simon Helberg (5’7″,b.1980) — skinny, short(ish) Jew — as Winter Soldier

Simon Helberg

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Shohreh Aghdashloo (5’5″,b.1952) — 60-something, Iranian-born, deep/husky voice; she did play a gypsy on “Grimm” — as Scarlet Witch

Shohreh Aghdashloo in “The Expanse”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stephen Hawking (b.1942) — 70-something, wheelchair-bound — as Vision

Stephen Hawking

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stacey Dash (5’5″,b.1967) — 50, mixed-race (Mexican and Afro-Bajan) female; hey, Marvel already has a young black female Iron Man (aka Ironheart), so why not? — as War Machine

Stacey Dash (Photo by Charles Sykes/Invision/AP)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sho Kosugi (6’0.5″,b.1948) — 60-something, East Asian, Shinto(?) — as Nick Fury

Sho Kosugi back in his heyday (and even sporting an eyepatch!)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Variety of races/ethnicities? Check. Gay/lesbian and transgender individuals? Check. Different (non-Christian) religions represented? Check. A “differently-abled” person? Check. Women in normally-male roles? Check. Ageism and various other potential prejudices challenged? Check. The PC crowd should love it!

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