File #: 2018Q1
Subject: new issue of quarterly ‘Official Mr. Zeus Fanclub Newsletter’
Purpose: readers’ enjoyment/entertainment and (occasionally) education
Author: Mr. Zeus (aka <name unknown>; formerly known as Jacob Szymanski, aka “Hacksaw Jack”)
Hmmm, what have I been up to over the past few months that you might be interested in?
Well, I’ve been involved in a few rescue operations lately. Y’know those forest fires that were raging for several days in the Northwest a couple months ago? Well, I have a friend with connections in the firefighter community, and when they were looking for volunteers from around the country to go join the effort, my friend thought I might be able to contact some superheroes that could lend a hand. Unfortunately, none of my contacts with weather- or fire-based powers were available. (One was off-world, one went missing a couple weeks earlier (and still is), one was injured and in the hospital, and the other two were occupied on other missions around the world.) But, I grabbed my buddy Bravado (who doesn’t fly but he’s almost as strong as I am) and we flew up to help. I also called my Canadian friends WinterHawk and SummerHawk, and they met us there. Part of the time I worked with Bravado digging and clearing firebreaks and doing other dangerous work where our strength and fire-resistance were advantageous. The rest of the time I joined the Hawks in the air, doing aerial searches for stranded people, etc. I also dumped a few vats of water on some spots. We couldn’t stop the fires, but we were able to save people and property before the rain finally came and put them out.
Last month, I aided in the search-and-rescue efforts after terrorists blew up that office building in Tennessee. I’m sure you heard all about it on TV or other newsmedia. Some anarchist nutjobs decided to “make a statement”, and 73 innocent people lost their lives for it. I’m just glad we were able to find the other 16 in (and under) the rubble and dig them out. (Btw, that baby the cameras caught me flying with out of the crater and over to the EMTs? She and her mother both survived with minimal medical issues. (I don’t have permission to mention names or specify their injuries.) A couple weeks after that, I heard about a pair of 5-year-old twins who had gone missing, and I volunteered to aid in the hunt for them. Turns out they’d been kidnapped by some psychopath who was preparing them to be sacrificed to Molech (or maybe it was another one of those ancient pagan gods). Anyway, the FBI Behavioral Science team worked up a profile, then the local LEOs got a hot tip, and — long story short — I joined the FBI team in an assault on the freak’s lair. It was in an old wine cellar, and I got to bust the door down and shrug off some bullets, before the rest of the team took him down. We saved the kids, too, though they’re going to need some counseling.
Beyond that, I’ve been doing my usual mix of reading, writing, working out, and helping to train young superheroes. Yep, that’s right! The ILEAD Superhero Virtual Training Program is already underway, and we have our inaugural batch of (seven) students from across the U.S. taking courses in basic forensic sciences, physics, and human physiology, to be followed by military strategy, electronics, and macroeconomics. I’m the program’s co-administrator and serve as a sort of “guidance counselor” for the students. So far, so good!
“What’s up, Doc?”
Speaking of counseling, I may need some myself. Yes, I have a therapist, though I don’t see him much anymore. He is one of a handful who specialize in helping superheroes, though they help with more mundane stuff as well. (I tried to get Major Bad@$$ to see my doctor for anger management, but he wouldn’t go.) Lots of people go to therapy for a variety of reasons, not just “serious” mental issues. Sometimes, you just need someone who can help you think through stuff, process issues, give you constructive advice, etc., without being judgemental. (And, of course, the professionals are required to keep everything confidential.) I know for a fact that several superheroes go to counseling for regular and/or superhero-type issues. Believe me, some of the evil and suffering we see can be pretty traumatic (just like for those in the military, law enforcement, medicine, etc.), and sometimes it helps to have a therapist to confide in and keep you “sane”. That guy I mentioned above who was going to kill those kids in some ritual sacrifice? He had a lot of nasty stuff in his hidey-hole, and the whole incident was quite disturbing. Maybe I’ll give the doc a Skype-call….
“Q & A”
Ready for some Q&A? Okey-doke…
Q: Have you ever been really scared or freaked out when fighting someone? (Greg T. from Washington, DC):
A: Not often but, yeah. I mentioned the injuries I got while fighting the Gargantosaur. I mean, that thing is literally Godzilla-size, and I was getting pretty banged up before the other heroes arrived. I was afraid it might kill or seriously injure me before it was over, but I lucked out. Phobius and Hysteria once used their weird drugs to make a couple colleagues and I freak out, have hallucinations, etc. When I confronted some Satanic cult a few years back, their leader was one evil, creepy dude and his black magic was so oppressive that I could actually feel a demonic presence. (Don’t know how else to describe it.) Scared the crap outta me! There have also been a couple times when I was racing to beat the clock before a bomb blew up or some poison gas was released, and I was <real> scared I wouldn’t make it in time and people would die… but I somehow stopped them with seconds to spare both times.
Most of the time, though, I have enough confidence in my own knowledge and abilities, and those of my hero colleagues, that I don’t really fear much of anything. (Sorry if that sounds cocky.)
A: Love ’em! I grew up with dogs and cats in the house. (Well, one of each at any one time.) I had cousins that lived on a working farm, which I visited some summers, with horses, cows, pigs, and goats. I had a golden lab named “Goober” back when I wrestled, but he got sick and had to be put to sleep shortly before I quit that biz. I like reptiles, too, and used to visit the reptile exhibits at the zoo. As a full-time superhero, I couldn’t be sure I’d be able to take care of a dog, especially since they are such social animals, and we have to be ready to leave for hours or even days at a time at short notice. (The staff at A.S.H.A.’s Atlantia Compound adopted a couple stray cats, though.) Even now, I hesitate to get another dog. But,… I have a very independent cat (“Samantha”) and an iguana (“Chumlee”) that are very low maintenance and keep me company.
Q: Do you ever go off-roading? (Jason K. from Oklahoma City, OK):
A: When I was still wrestling, I used to go off-roading with friends some weekends. I had a Ford Bronco that I customized a bit, and I’d take that baby over sand dunes and creek beds and all over tarnation, as they say. Loads of fun! Then various things took up more of my “off” time, and I didn’t get out to do that much anymore. When I was superheroing full time, I only managed to go off-roading with friends a few times, but it made me realize how much I missed it. (My Bronco was long gone, but my buddies had Jeeps, Land Rovers, and a Ford F-150.) Nowadays, I have a customized Humvee that I take out once in awhile, but I’d also like to try dune buggies and ATVs some time. Those things look like a lot of fun, too!
Q: What is your favorite kind of ice cream? (A.J. from Oshkosh, WI):
A: Just about anything with chocolate, peanut butter, and/or mint, as long as there are no nuts, raisins, etc. So, right now I’m on a Chocolate Moose Tracks kick; before that was Peanut Butter Cup/Swirl. Next I’ll probably start adding some Mint Chocolate Chip into the rotation. Yumm!
Great questions, everyone!
Stay strong, y’all! (Or, should that be “all y’all”?)
Anyone reading these Mr. Zeus posts? If so, is there something you’d like to know or want me to (have him) write about? Lemmeknow below….
* All ideas copyright Christopher Harris, 2013-2018.